Monday, June 20, 2011

Day 4. Louisville Bats; Louisville, KY. Zach Reinflates, Our Heroes Drink Delicious Bourbon, and We are Reminded This is a Minor League Roadtrip.

Well, I'm alive and writing the bulk of my first blog post since Day 1 (Ben and I collaborate on the post, but usually one of us takes the lead in writing it up). I no longer fear death, so if anyone's up for some skydiving or bear-baiting or whatever when we get back to Atlanta, let me know.

Also, before I open up this blog post, huge props to Tim Hudson of the Major League Braves for single-handedly laying down an ass-whuppin' on the Toronto Blue Jays. 8 scoreless innings of 2-hit ball with only 1 walk, 8 Ks, and he drove in the game's only 2 runs on a homer. Now that's a well-rounded player. Take your curtain call, Tim. In fact, take two. Bra-freakin'-vo.

Anyway, back to us: we began our day innocently enough with breakfast at the Pink Cadillac Diner at 8am after breaking down our soaked and muddy tent and rain fly. There we were, minding our own business as always, when suddenly...we were attacked by some sort of giant ape, possible a royal member of the Kong family. All was well when Zach recognized him as just another one of his cousins, though. We hope to run into many more of Zach's cousins (read: giant ape statues) on this trip.

Breakfast was delicious. The 5.5 hour drive down I-64 to Lexington, KY less so. Mostly because of one of the top 5 rainstorms I've ever had the pleasure of driving through. We finally decided to give up and ride it out in the shoulder after we saw a Kentucky State Trooper who decided it was too dangerous and did the same. But we live to almost die another day.

We quickly sped to our first main stop of the day: the Four Roses Distillery along the Bourbon Trail. We pretty much stopped long enough to get our passports stamped (if you get all 6 distilleries, you get a T-shirt! We're now 4 down, only 2 to go). We'll have them done tomorrow.

Then we hit up our main stop for the afternoon: the Wild Turkey Distillery. As many of you may know, Wild Turkey is my poison of choice. I tried to buy a T-shirt that encouraged people to “Shoot the Bird” but was thwarted by it not being in my size. After a tasting following our tour, I decided to buy myself a consolation gift of some Wild Turkey rare breed, a 108.2 proof mix of 6, 8, and 12 year-aged bourbon. No words. Should've sent...a poet. Anyone who gives us a place to crash can have a taste!

Ah, right, the ostensible purpose of this blog: baseball.

So after Turkey we stopped by our campground south of town to briefly pitch our tent and then head off to the stadium.

Well obviously. What else would you call it?


  1. This was a faaaaaaaancy stadium. Like where I imagine the hobos from Futurama would love to watch ballgames. Not only did they have seat wiping ushers for our $11 seats and legitimate outfield seats and an indoor mall-type lobby where we could buy tickets, but several snack stands had adjustable LCD menus!

     Whoa, am I watching baseball on the goddam moon?

  2. Along similar lines, the food: turkey legs, ribeye sandwiches, wings, cheesesteaks, at least 4 variants of nachos? Well played, Louisville. I'd take my family there just for dinner. Seriously, I'm willing to wager it beats several local restaurants.

  3. OK, this was our third inter-inning burger-building contest in four games. Is this a tradition I wasn't aware of? Because it ROCKS.

  4. A counterpoint to number 2: fried bologna.

  5. The scoreboard played Nelson's infamous Haw-Haw for an opponents' error. Zing.

  6. In an audience applause-mediated contest, the bald guy was deemed “worst hat hair” and won a bottle of Pert Plus shampoo. Well played once again, Louisville.

  7. “At Ye Olde Ball Game?” The song ends “At THE Old Ball Game.” But nice try at being cultured. You can't fool us, though. This is still Kentucky (and we love it!).

  8. Three consecutive errors in the 8th leading to 3 unearned runs? Oh, right, Minor League roadtrip.

  9. The best view from our seats yet.

Regularly Scheduled Metrics:

Price of Beer
4.75 pts: $5.25 for a pint of basically everything. I've seen better, I've seen worse; exceedingly middlin', if that's even possible.

Most Caloric Concession Item
4 pts: We saw a girl walking around with a plate of cheesy and meaty nachos bigger than her head. This may be worth more, but we decided to err on the side of not hyperbole for once.

Minor League Personalities
5 pts: Minor League Diehards? Check! Saw more people here with their team's gear on than anywhere else. They have a serious inferiority complex given their friends across the river. LL team, Teenagers on a Date, and Family Out for a Nice Night Together? You betcha! Major League Diehard? They were playing the Red Sox affiliate. What do you think?

Willingness to Give Random Bloggers Free Seats

0 pts: Didn't see anyone, but we did get there late.

Funniest Roster Name
6 pts: Maybe I was more amused by this than other people, but Yonder (pronounced as you would expect) Alonso just hit me right. Also, he hit a homer than allowed me to yell Yonder! Alsono! Yonder!

Promotion Quality
1 pt: We didn't leave with nothin'. How can that happen at a Minor League Park? 1 point for the 2 balls (one homer, one foul) that almost hit us.

2 pts: Our most heterogeneous crowd yet!

Men's Room
0 pts: Pardon me for asking, but where the hell's my stupid trough?

Bonus points
+1 for Nelson's haw-haw, +10 for three consecutive errors, -5 for their Jumbotron being called “Pepsi Vision” (Coke for life!), +2 for the bald guy's shampoo, +1 for being able to play Plinko for $1, +2 for the fried bologna, +5 for more than 3 home runs

Total: 38.75

Final take: Not as bad as their score would indicate. It was a perfectly nice experience, although at an ultra-modern – and thus somewhat less charming – park than we had experienced before. Still, lovely. 7/10.

No comments:

Post a Comment