Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Scrappy Journeymen 33 1/3: Now With 50% More Journeymen

Despite – or is it rather to spite? - everyone's best wishes, your Journeymen are back for a third season. After the crippling Scrappy Local 712 strike of 2013 that ensued when Ben and Zach couldn't negotiate sufficient vacation days from their employers, we're back and raring to go in 2014 with a brand new Season 3: West Coast Edition(TM).

The Local 712 has been working feverishly to recruit new members to its ranks, and we are happy to report an increase in membership of 50%! We blame California for this. Anyway, please welcome our newest coattail-rider and hanger-on, Pat “Dr. Funk” Lange. Say hi to the people, Pat!

Here's Pat either providing his best Malort face or expressing remorse over his decision to join us.

Because we don't like Pat and will seek to freeze him out wherever possible, Ben and Zach have revised their Carefully Reviewed And Peer-tested for the Pacific Year (CRAPPY) metrics for season 3, with the following categories:

  1. Beer: Same as years past, points awarded for quality and cheapness, with bonus points for price differentials between crappy and good beer. Our cheapness scale will not change for rising prices because the Fed shouldn't be concerned about inflation, and neither are we.
  2. Most Caloric Concession Item: most caloric single order, 1 point per 200 calories. Because this state is full of Godless, crunchy hippies, we will be awarding bonus points for the widest and/or most hilarious gap between high-calorie and healthy food available at each park.
  3. Crowd: Same as years past, points awarded for size, enthusiasm, and characters, with fair adjustments for weekday vs. weekend and holidays.
  4. Funniest Name: We could not be more upset that the Hawaiian teams no longer play in the Pacific Association, but we won't let that stop us.
  5. Men's Rooms: We're guessing the only troughs we find will be at our Major League stop in the Oakland Coliseum, but a man can dream. Otherwise scoring as in past seasons.
  6. Promotions: Same as years past. We're particularly looking forward to “Vintage Baseball” in San Rafael and “Nothing Night” at the Inland Empire 66ers in San Bernardino.
  7. Biggest Celebrity: NEW FOR CALIFORNIA! This whole state is crawling with famous people, right? Sliding scale from local newsperson up to actual celebrity. Bonus points if your Scrappy Journeymen are, in fact, the biggest celebrities. Double bonus points if it's O.J. Simpson.
  8. California Bingo: NEW FOR CALIFORNIA! 2 points for identifying each of the following in the park, 1 bonus point for each of these found in the same person:
      -White guy dreds
      -Google glass-wearer
      -Tie dye
      -Board-person (skate, surf, or other)
      -Ostentatiously liberal thing (gay couple with a kid, wooden shoes, etc.)
      -Valley Girl; bonus points if she will, in fact, gag on a spoon for us
Of note from season 2, our mascot pointings will now be rolled into general bonus points.

After landing in San Francisco our first stop will be tonight in Vallejo, California for the Vallejo Admirals independent professional baseball club. We'll report more soon. Stay Scrappy, everyone!

Oh, and a HUGE THANKS to our friend (alright, acquaintance?) Alan, the Official Roof Provider for the Scrappy Journeymen from July 2, 2014 all the way through July 3, 2014.

1 comment:

  1. We met the SJs on their trip to see the SJ Giants on the 4th of July. The Giants got pounded 17-6 by the Stockton Ports. The ordeal was saved by a great fireworks show that almost made up for a really crappy pitching performance. (Can ERAs actually go into triple digits?)
    They mentioned their culinary experiences and I mentioned I had seen the entry for signature foods at minor league parks and one was Rocky Mountain Oysters. The entry was #60 of 60 at the link
    Their trip sounds like a good way to spend time in the summer and I wish I could try something like it. I'll be following these posts.
    God help me but I want to try Malort now.